


Night Changes

by unholyminter (oneswhonever)



Series: Minizerk One-Shots [2]
Category: The Ultimate Sidemen
Genre: Friendship/Love, Heavy Angst, Hospitals, M/M, Male Friendship, Near Death Experiences, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-01
Updated: 2017-03-01
Packaged: 2018-09-21 13:00:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9550238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oneswhonever/pseuds/unholyminter
Summary: After a suicide attempt nearly ending his life, Simon Minter is sucked back into his inevitable reality.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Who_let_the_gays_out](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Who_let_the_gays_out/gifts).



> This work is to be read alongside Defunct - it functions as a before and after to that fic. However, you could also read this as a standalone fic. I got a little carried away writing this one.
> 
> Also! This is a gift to the lovely reader who requested more - Will_suck_dick_for_fanfic. Thanks for being so supportive!!
> 
> ALSO! Callum = Callux. Cal = Calfreezy.

After he stopped recording, Simon sat back to think. In life, he had never expected to be in his current position - sitting in a grungy hotel room, recording a goodbye and telling his millions of subscribers that he was going to kill himself. He felt like he was making a mistake, he couldn't shake the feeling of guilt. Who in the hell did he think he was, telling the whole of the internet that he wanted to die? Was it unprofessional? Probably, and he felt like shit for that. YouTube was his job, and not only that, it gave him a degree of happiness that he doubted he could otherwise obtain.

_So why did he do it?_

Because he was just plain unhappy, that's why. No matter how good the day was going, no matter if he was out with his friends or at a subscriber meet up - he felt great throughout the day, but when he laid down to sleep, he was disgusted with himself. Every thought was consumed with the idea of the inevitable nature of death, suffering, and sorrow. He never dared mention this thought to the others, because he knew they wouldn't understand. Everyone thought Simon's life was completely without fault - he was blond, healthy, rich, some would even say privileged. No amount of material possessions in the world could change Simon's state of mind. He knew he was blessed, and he knew he was lucky to have his opportunities - but at the end of the day, he constantly felt down.

He knew there was time to turn back. He could delete the video and go back home - and be in the comfort of his friends in less than fifteen minutes. But the very next day, the shitty feelings would come back - and he would be left with all the bitterness, all the anxiety, all the depression. He couldn't do it for much longer. He knew he wouldn't be able to last. 

He knew better than to commit at the house. If Josh, Vikk, or JJ discovered his lifeless body - Simon knew they would be distraught (save for maybe Josh, who seemed to have little regard for his feelings some of the time). Plus, he would have very little time. Very little. The second they heard him choking, they would come to his aide. He couldn't handle the consequences of a failed suicide.

The more he thought about it, the more and more he was beginning to slowly talk himself out of it. He cracked open his laptop, which was came to life in seconds. Inserting his camera's memory card, he began clicking and clacking away.

 

\---

 

At the house for the first time in a long time, JJ couldn't help but to dwell on everything the last few days had brought.

Josh and Simon were fighting, but that was nothing new. The sexual tension between the two was unreal, and JJ thought that it was unwarranted - the glint in Simon's eye that would appear every time Josh so much as opened his mouth. There was something special about Simon, and for him to allow himself to be led on by Josh was just stupid. JJ would have killed for that look to be on him for _once_.  

Simon's room was unattended, so JJ crept in and took a look around. It was the same as he always remembered it, and that was Simon for you - he found comfort in familiarity. Whereas JJ liked to travel the world and experience everything, Simon was content with staying in the same spot for the rest of his life. JJ knew he was wanting to settle down one day. Hopefully he didn't plan on doing so.

JJ was pretty certain that Simon was unaware of Freya's pregnancy. It would surely be of no comfort to know that the boy he loved was going to be a father. JJ couldn't even believe it - he knew Josh like the back of his hand, and knew that his friend wasn't ready for that degree of responsibility. Especially not while he was still seeing Simon. 

JJ didn't consider himself to be a good person, but he knew that if he had a guy like Simon, who was capable of so much love, he definitely wouldn't string him along. He also knew that if he had a girl like Freya, gorgeous and understanding, he wouldn't cheat on her. Of course, JJ wouldn't place all the blame on Josh in this particular situation. He knew Simon was at fault - allowing Josh to do what he did, even though he was in a "committed" relationship. JJ knew Simon better than anyone, though, and he knew Simon required the love and affection Josh gave him.

Anyone else in the world could give him that and give it to him in a way that he would no longer be hurt by someone he could never actually be with. JJ was bitter, and he would be the first to admit.

That being said, he didn't hate Josh, and he _certainly_  didn't hate Simon. He just felt that both of them were being stupid, and he didn't think Simon deserved the backhanded treatment that he was receiving. 

JJ was in love with Simon. Sue him.

He didn't know why it had to be Simon, of all people, that he ended up falling for. He would have rather fallen face first into a bed of nails and had his eyes stabbed out so he would never have to look at Simon again - and see his soft blonde hair, his lanky and somehow muscular figure, or his beautiful ocean eyes. In no means was Simon like the girls JJ has liked in the past, mindless girls with soft skin and a great rack. No, Simon was different. He was sporty, he was brilliant, he was talented - JJ didn't think he would ever meet someone of Simon's caliber ever again. 

Speak of the devil, JJ's phone buzzed in his pocket. He tore his eyes off of Simon's unmade bed long enough to pull it out and check - discovering a notification for Simon's most recent video, entitled "the beginning of the end." Curiously, JJ opened the YouTube app, keeping the volume low as to not attract the other lads to the room. 

The video was set in a dim room that JJ didn't recognize - it obviously wasn't Simon's room. It looked more like a shitty motel room - with a photo hanging on the dimly lit walls. Simon himself looked undone and pale, which was unnatural for him. Usually he liked to have a laid-back and professional appearance to him, so to prevent himself in such a mannerism was suspicious. 

"Hi, everyone. It's time I came clean."

 

\---

 

_"What the fuck did you do to him?"_

JJ's yelling startled Josh, hearing the exclamation through his headphones, causing him to quickly scramble and pause his recording. He wasn't used to hearing JJ's voice so angry sounding. Before he could so much as blink, however, JJ had him pinned down hard against his computer desk, smashing his head against the keyboard. His grip was tight on Josh's shoulders - sure to cause at least some mild bruising. 

"JJ what the fuck?" Josh exclaimed, struggling to no avail. "What in the hell are you on about?"

 JJ's eyes were on fire with pure rage, not letting up on his grip. "You know exactly what I'm fucking talking about! What did you do to Simon?"

Josh was frightened. Never before had he seen JJ so angry, nonetheless at him. Additionally, the idea of Simon potentially being hurt was making his stomach twist. "What are you talking about? I haven't seen Simon all day. Where is he? What happened?"

"Don't act fucking stupid, Josh," JJ snarled, letting go of Josh and shoving him off to the side so that he could get onto Josh's computer, switching tabs to YouTube and going to SImon's channel, where the latest video started playing. "Just fucking watch, asshole - then try to act like you don't know what's going on."

Josh sat, stiff as a board, watching Simon talk - his body getting progressively shakier. Within the first minute of said video, however, Vikk poked his head in the door (surely because he had heard all of the commotion). "Hey, guys, what's going on?"

JJ shushed him harshly, but yanked him through the doorway so he could watch. The tension in the room was so thick you could practically see it - and the more Simon talked the more Josh's shoulders were tensing. His breathing was becoming restricted, and he could hear Vikk beside him breathing heavily as he whipped out his cell phone and began typing away. 

"He's not going to fucking answer," JJ said, his voice wavering. If Josh didn't know any better, he would think JJ was about to cry. "I've tried calling and texting him. For all we know he's probably already fucking dead."

Josh's hands were shaking as he retrieved his own phone, creating a new conversation with Simon (having deleted the previous ones). "Please don't say that."

JJ scoffed loudly. "Why do you fucking care, Josh? This is all your fault in the first place!"

Josh couldn't deny the truth behind what his friend was saying, but even still, he had to give Simon the benefit of the doubt. There was probably no chance that he could have gotten a gun. He knew Simon had a problem with things around his neck, so having hanged himself was probably also out of the cards (though, Josh supposed it didn't matter if you were dead). He didn't even want to consider other methods - to see Simon in that much pain was too much for him to even imagine. The video, which had already ended, was uploaded only six minutes ago. Surely Simon couldn't have done anything yet. 

As per usual, Vikk took control of the situation - though it was clear to see that he was close to tears. "Get a hold of all the other guys, okay? Cal, too. If there's any chance any of them know where Simon is, we have to take that chance. Someone call the police, too. Maybe they could, like, track his phone."

Josh agreed. It was a chance they had to take.

 

\---

 

"This is fucking unreal. Do you guys really think Simon would do something like this?"

"Don't be fucking stupid," said Harry, through his tears. He was so young, and the thought of already having to lose someone so close to him was hurting. It certainly didn't help that Ethan thought Simon was pulling some sort of prank. "Why would he joke about this? Huh?"

"Because it's Simon Minter!" exclaimed Ethan, getting up from the couch to pace the room. It was clear that he was also becoming nervous (rightfully so, Harry thought). "He's one of our best friends, you know. And after all the time we've spent with him, and gotten to know him - don't you think this is unlike him? He loves his life. He's the happiest person I've ever met. Do you really think he would just give it all up?"

Cal cut in, still on the phone and trying to call up Simon's parents, to no avail. "Simon wouldn't pull a stunt like that. If he knew how much it was upsetting everyone, he wouldn't fake it like this."

"Why are you bothering calling?" asked Callum, who was still stretched out of the couch, rubbing Harry's back in slow circles. "Vikk already said he tried."

Cal snapped. "Well, you guys aren't doing anything to help. Simon could be dead right now."

" _Don't fucking say that!_ " Harry yelled, infuriated. He was hanging onto a sliver of hope at this moment, and he would take anything he could get. He had resorted to praying, in the bleak hope that something, anything, could save Simon. "He can't be fucking dead! He can't be!"

Ethan bit his lip, realization beginning to dawn upon him. "...I can't fucking believe this. How could he...?"

Harry stood up, snatching his keys off of the coffee table - in spite of Callum standing with him, gripping hard at his shoulder. "Harry, stop. You wouldn't know the first place to look for him. Some dingy motel? There's a ton of those here."

Cal was getting visibly angrier, too. "Well, what else are we meant to do? Stand back and just let him die?"

Callum coaxed Harry back onto the couch, gently wrapping an arm around his slender shoulders when he noticed he was getting more and more upset. "Simon isn't going to die, okay? Vikk has police trying to track his phone right now. If they find him, they'll help him. There's nothing to worry about."

Harry leaned into Callum's side, looking frustrated as his face turned a light shade of pink, his eyes continuing to water. He was silent as he watched Cal pace the room, trying and failing to get in contact with Simon's family. Ethan had taken a place against the wall, slumped over with a glazed over look in his eyes. He was taking it hard - having grown so close to Simon over the past few years, thinking about the potential of losing him was unsettling. He wanted, so badly, to believe that Simon was just pulling some sort of demented prank on him. But, unfortunately, Cal did have a point. Simon would never dare upset and scare his viewers over nothing - they meant too much to him for that.

Still, Ethan had to wonder - why even film that video in the first place? It was uncalled for. The topic matter was unnatural, and Simon usually didn't care to share his woes with others. If he had any sort of baggage, no matter what that may be, he liked to keep it buried. It was unhealthy, but that had always been his way of coping. He had practiced it for years whilst he got himself into a mess with Josh - smashing down his own feelings for Freya's sake. Time and time again, Simon told Ethan that he was in love with Josh, and if Freya weren't in the picture, he would've liked to date him.

No one was right in that situation. They were all handling it incorrectly, and it was just wrong. Ethan himself was no saint, but he didn't see the appeal in playing with people's emotions the way that Josh was. He knew Josh would get himself slapped if Freya ever found out - especially now that she was carrying Josh's child. He had to wonder if Josh had the decency to tell Simon about it.

He doubted it.

Harry's cell phone started to ring, breaking the deafening silence that had taken over the room. His eyes widened as he quickly snatched it from the table, but they went dim again as he checked the Caller ID. He answered with a scowl, "What is it, Josh?"

He listened for a moment, before quickly getting to his feet, clutching his keys. "Yeah, okay. Okay. We'll be there soon," Harry hung up and looked to the other guys, renewed hope taking over his expression. "They tracked Simon's phone and they're sending out an ambulance. The guys are heading out to the emergency room - I was going to meet them there. You coming?"

Ethan got up quickly to join Harry, but Cal looked to Callum before speaking, "You two can go ahead. Keep us updated, though."

Harry was out the door before they even finished talking, heading for the lifts.

 

\---

 

In the still of the night, the medics did end up finding Simon - and when they did, he was bleeding from both wrists, passed out in the bathtub of the motel. Any longer, and he wouldn't have survived. His clothes were stained with blood, and they found a brand new pocketknife on the floor of the washroom. They had him sped to the emergency room, and within time had his cuts stitched up. However, Simon was still out cold, and probably would be for awhile. Although he had a blood transplant, he still looked chalky and pale - and he was cold to the touch. 

JJ was distraught, seeing Simon so pale and unhealthy. To see one of his best friends in such pain was unprecedented. Perhaps it would help him if Simon were awake, so that they could talk and JJ could prod at his brain and see just where his head was at. He wasn't a miracle worker by any means, but he truly felt that Simon would feel better if he opened up about what was bothering him.

Other than Josh. But he couldn't be the root of Simon's problems. It just wasn't possible. Someone as brilliant and kind as Simon would never let himself be brought down by the likes of Joshua Bradley. And, if Josh theoretically _were_ the sole problem, JJ wouldn't hesitate to snap his arm in half. 

For the moment, however, he would allow himself to rejoice in the fact that Simon wasn't seriously injured. He could be dead right now, and JJ was so grateful that that wasn't the case. 

 

\---

 

"Hey, Jide. JJ."

JJ was awoken by a pair of brothers entering the room - Tobi and Manny. Instantly his eyes darted over towards Simon, who was still fast asleep. JJ wasn't sure how much time had passed - it must have been morning, he figured. He knew Simon was going to be unconscious for a long while, but it was unsettling. The only thing that would soothe JJ would be hearing his voice, at the very least. This whole thing felt just unreal. 

"Oh, hey," he greeted, a huskiness seeping into his voice. He wasn't sure how long he had been asleep, but he certainly didn't feel rested. "Thanks for coming."

"Yeah, no problem," said Tobi, as he looked up and down Simon's slender figure. His eyes ended up landing on the bandages, wrapped tightly around Simon's wrist. He shuddered. "He's not been awake yet? Any idea of how long it'll be?"

"No clue."

An awkward silence fell over the room as Tobi and Manny took the two open chairs, and it occurred to JJ for the first time that Josh had left the room. He had been there for the entirety of the previous night, in spite of JJ trying his hardest to usher him out - telling him that he would just make Simon upset. Josh was a persistent bastard when he wanted to be, however, and he wouldn't budge. For awhile, JJ was fooled into thinking that Josh actually cared about Simon and his feelings, but that was ridiculous. They wouldn't be in this situation if that were the case.

Speak of the devil.

"Josh called us this morning," Manny spoke for the first time since arriving, biting at his lower lip. "He thinks that Freya was faking her pregnancy. Last night when he was telling her about Simon, she told him that she miscarried."

JJ frowned, feeling no ounce of sympathy towards either Josh or Freya. "I don't see what Simon has to do with that situation."

"Josh kind of...he was really upset and rambling and he accidentally told her that they were...seeing each other."

JJ didn't open his mouth after that - for he had nothing to say. Why Josh found it necessary to reveal that information was beyond JJ, but he didn't feel any remorse for his friend. Josh brought it onto himself, after all, by ever cheating on her in the first place. He never suspected Freya of foul intentions, and didn't like to think that she would ever fake a pregnancy. It just didn't make sense. 

He sat in silence as Manny and Tobi leaned on one another, clearly both exhausted. JJ slipped his phone out of his pocket, shocked when he discovered that it was six in the morning. Ever since his arrival at the hospital, JJ had kept his phone on silent - out of respect more than anything else. At the moment, he cared much more about Simon's well being than he cared about social media. He supposed it wouldn't hurt, however, to send out a notification and let everyone know how Simon was doing. They had the ability to take down his video if they wanted to, but Vikk voted against that - when Simon woke up he wanted him to be able to see all of the comments of love that people were sending. 

He logged into Twitter and, unsurprisingly, he had more than his normal influx of tweets, the majority of which were concerning Simon's condition. JJ felt sick to his stomach sifting through them, as it was almost humbling. People all around the world loved and cared about Simon, and the concern was overwhelming. People of all different religions, lifestyles, and cultures were praying for his health and smooth recovery. There were a couple of negative comments, saying that Simon had absolutely no reason to do something so drastic - these were the ones that evoked anger. He had no desire to hear from these people, but for Simon's sake, he avoiding commenting back and starting drama. People could think whatever they wanted, but at the end of the day, they would never know Simon on a personal level.

_KSI (@KSIOlajidebt): Thank you everyone for your prayers. Simon is alive and resting._

Deciding that brevity was the soul of the wit, JJ left it at that, and turned off his phone. With an exasperate sigh, he leaned back in his chair - glancing briefly at Simon's limp figure. 

It was going to be a long day.

 

\---

 

It took a lot of coaxing to get JJ to go home. It was evident that he was uncomfortable leaving Simon's bedside, but Josh found these worries to be unfounded. They assured him, over and over again, that they would call him if there were any changes in Simon's condition. JJ really needed to eat and shower, so he ended up relenting, giving Josh an icy glare as he left the room - leaving Josh and Ethan alone with Simon. 

Ethan had been good company in the past few days, Josh reckoned. Unlike the lot of their friends, Ethan didn't think the whole situation was Josh's fault - he knew it didn't do Simon any good, sure, but he had no direct blame to place on anyone. Ethan and Simon were very close friends, after all, and Ethan knew Simon like the back of his hand. He assured Josh that Simon didn't have any sort of gripe with him and, if anything, he had nothing but nice things to say about him. Ethan was inclined to believe that Simon was in love.

Josh thought that was a little far-fetched. Though the two had initially stated that their sexual relationship would stay platonic, Josh found his feelings for Simon extended beyond casual sex. Being intimate with his best friend created a whole new bond that he never thought possible. 

Image was a big deal to Josh, and he knew it was also important to Simon. That, among many other reasons, was why they could never come out and be public about their relationship. That was a big reason why Josh wanted to have an exclusively sex-based relationship with Simon. If they never entered a proper relationship, they didn't have anything to hide. He knew his reasoning made little sense, but he didn't have to explain himself to anyone. 

In lieu of the whole pregnancy scandal, Josh was faced with a confusing predicament. He loved Freya, loved and cherished her throughout their years together, but now his feelings were very unclear. He didn't know whether or not to believe if Freya actually miscarried or not, but he did find it strange that she found it appropriate to bring up right after Simon's suicide attempt. She didn't even seem that bothered when Josh told her of his affair. This was all reason to believe that she was lying, but he didn't want to accuse her of such - especially if she did actually lose the baby. 

Josh knew he wouldn't have liked being a father. He would have been there for her and supported her, but they were both so young. He had plenty of time to be a parent in the future, when the decision was entirely up to him. 

He had too much on his mind, given the current situation. He should be focusing solely on Simon, but a lot was going on. Not only with Freya, but the fact that everyone seemed to think that Simon's breakdown was his fault just added insult to injury. He cared more for Simon than he could ever care about himself, and it was just unfair that people thought otherwise. He would never do anything to intentionally hurt Simon. If anything, keeping their relationship hidden from public eye was for their protection. 

People did not believe he was capable of good intentions, apparently. 

"Simon is the best thing to have ever happened to me," murmured Josh, speaking more to himself than to Ethan. "Now everything is just fucked. He's never going to be the same."

Ethan nodded his head in silent agreement, wrapping an arm around Josh's shoulders.

 

\---

 

Upon waking up, the first thought that crossed Simon's mind was that he was _fucked_.

When considering all the possible outcomes, the thought of a failed suicide attempt was probably the worst one he could fathom. All the post-treatment, all the questions - Simon knew what was coming and he certainly wasn't ready for it. He especially felt like shit realizing that he would now have to answer to all of the viewers. He would have to read all the comments, sift through all of the tweets, and dwell on the unwarranted decision he had made. 

He regretted it.

He regretted ever making the video. He regretted ever saying goodbye. He regretted ever taking the blade to his wrist. He felt like an  _idiot_ having made such a daft, spontaneous decision. He read a lot that people who survived their suicide attempts often regretted ever trying in the first place. Simon never thought he would be among those people. He thought, in that moment of utter sadness and despair, that death was the only option he had. And he was wrong - of course he was wrong. What else was new?

Simon pondered what to do. He could feel a presence in the room - whether that be his parents, his friends, or a nurse, he simply wasn't sure. All he knew was that he could feel someone in the room with him. He considered acting as though he were still asleep, but he thought his efforts would be fruitless. There was no better option than to just open his eyes and face the music.

And he regretted it almost instantly. 

The only two in the room were Josh and Ethan. Of course Simon didn't know how long they had been there, or how long they had been looking at him, but in the very moment that Simon opened his eyes - Josh's eyes were locked with his own, a look of concern washed over his otherwise gentle expression. He looked concerned, that much was for certain. Simon didn't know why he was worried, or why he was even there to begin with - but he couldn't deny the guilt slowly creeping up on him the longer he looked into those glacier blue eyes. 

He never believed that Josh cared about him. It was absurd.

"Simon," breathed the older lad, his heart beginning to pound in his chest as he rose from his seat. He came over to the bed, reaching out for Simon's hand. "Thank fuck. Do you have any idea how worried we've all been?"

Ethan got off his feet as well and came to the bedside, pressed into Josh's side. "So many people have been worried about you, man. All of the guys, all of the viewers around the world. You mean so much, you know."

"What were you even thinking?" Josh interjected, before Simon could so much as think about opening his mouth. "Jesus, Simon. I love you. We all love you. Everyone fucking loves you! How could you even...? I don't _get_ it!"

Simon didn't get it, either. He also didn't believe anything that came out of Josh's mouth. 

"I was thinking that I wanted to fucking die," replied Simon, unusually blunt. Immediately, Josh and Ethan's mouths snapped shut. The situation was a peculiar one, that much for sure - but they both felt that Simon's attitude was unwarranted. It was a negative situation, that much was for sure, but they genuinely just wanted to help Simon. "Get that through your thick, fucked up skulls. Also, fuck off, Josh. You're a fucking cheater and I don't want anything to do with you. Enjoy your stupid fucking girlfriend and enjoy being a dad."

In a split second, Josh felt his heart drop to the very pit of his stomach. He didn't know how Simon knew about Freya's alleged pregnancy, and all of a sudden - he felt as though he deserved all the blame that was being placed upon him. He took a deep breath, his heart throbbing as he stared at the boy he thought he was in love with. In one moment his feelings for Simon were completely obliterated. He couldn't believe the audacity of the younger lad. 

"Fuck you, Simon," Josh hissed, before storming right out of the room - slamming the door hard enough to make the ground shake in protest. 

Left stunned into silence, Ethan rubbed his sweaty palms on his thighs, visibly uncomfortable - especially as he saw tears begin to well in Simon's gentle blue eyes. "Hey, hey..,you don't need Josh, okay? He's just being stupid. He'll get over it. He always does."

Simon doubted it, but in that moment, he almost didn't care. 

That's what he tried to tell himself, at least.

 

\---

 

Josh didn't come back. It was JJ who came in and visited him on a near daily basis.

"You really don't have to do this, Jide," murmured Simon as JJ dealt them both five playing cards. There was very little that Simon was allowed to do, and very little that the guys were allowed to bring, as he was stuck right into the mental health ward. JJ and Ethan were insistent that Simon stayed in the hospital, at least for a little while, so they could ensure he would make another poor decision. "I know you're busy. I can watch over myself."

JJ rolled his eyes, giving Simon a light pat to his frail, bandaged arm. "Don't be stupid. I choose to be here. I want to be with you."

Simon sighed as he laid his cards down, lying back in his bed - which he kept propped up so he could lean back. He pulled a blanket over his skinny body, feeling a shiver rush up and down his spine. He had been slender his whole life, but since the whole incident, he had lost plenty of weight being in the hospital and feeling sickly. His knuckles were becoming more pronounced, and he could trace his fingers around every inch of collar and jawbone. He was gaunt and thin, always feeling nauseous and fatigued, but that was the price to be paid for the decision he made. 

He had no one to blame but himself, and it was a harsh reality that he was now forced to face. He wished that he hadn't insisted on pushing Josh away. Even if he was being lied to, he wanted to be called beautiful just once. 

"Simon," JJ murmured, getting off of his chair so he could sit on the edge of Simon's bed - looking at his best mate with big, uncharacteristically soft, eyes. Simon was used to him being supportive like this. In any other situation, he would be taking the absolute piss. For once, Simon almost felt like he was truly cared about. Maybe he was just being silly. "What's wrong? I don't like seeing you like this."

Simon rolled his eyes, curling up with his blanket and pulling it to his chest. "Other than the obvious, nothing much. Just laying here and wasting away, regretting my entire life and all of my choices."

"Okay, then..." JJ murmured, lifting his hand and hesitating, if only for a moment, before gently placing it in Simon's hair - causing the blonde to go rigid in response. It was weird, yet not uncomfortable, for his mate to display this level of affection. "I know things are shit right now, Simon, but you're going to be okay. I...I love you, you know? You mean a lot to me. You're my best friend and I don't like seeing you in pain."

Simon's cheeks flushed red with heat. "Jide..."

"I'm serious, Simon. You'll be okay." 

For once, Simon didn't doubt it. 


End file.
